Being Happy In Your Own Skin

12th April 2008

Many of us are passionate, capable of feeling deeply, and in love with our partners… yet do not have the same feelings towards ourselves.

Personal Coach and Trainer Davinia Gill shows us how we can love ourselves more – and what a difference it makes when we do.

Have you ever had that feeling when you are totally and utterly in love with somebody and want to be with them all the time? You cannot stop thinking about them, you think that they are wonderful and they can definitely do no wrong. Do you have those same feelings towards yourself?…

The truth is that many of us don’t love ourselves enough. In fact, often we don’t know how to treat ourselves with respect and love. We rush around trying to please others and fitting in our daily chores – and do not make time for ourselves. We try to connect with other people, and aim to have fantastic relationships with partners, family and friends – but not ourselves.

Moreover, society actually imposes some very negative associations about loving oneself. When we say that someone loves him/herself, we generally mean this in a very uncomplimentary way – we’re probably trying to convey that that person is arrogant or vain or both. The difference, though, between somebody that actually loves themselves for who they are and somebody who is arrogant, is massive. Loving yourself is not a bad thing to do.

When you love yourself you are content in yourself; you treat yourself well and, consequently, treat others well, as you know how it feels to love. We need to learn to love ourselves, before we can give love to anyone else wholeheartedly. When you love yourself you cherish yourself, respect yourself and set yourself high standards. You won’t abuse your body with too much food, excessive alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. You’ll want to exercise to remain healthy and strong. You will say good things about yourself and others. When you love yourself you don’t need to put others down or compare yourself to others. When you love yourself you can cope with, and enjoy, being on your own sometimes. You are simply happy in your own skin.

Self-coaching

On a scale of 1–10, where 10 is 'I totally love myself' and 0 is 'I hate myself', where are you now?

• What is going on right now that tells you that you don’t love yourself?

• What have you done so far to improve things?

• What would it take for you to be a 10?

• By you not loving yourself totally, how does this affect your life, such as your work, family, partner, n friends, and social life?

• When you truly love yourself, how this will improve your life in all the above areas?

• What would your guardian angel suggest that you do to help you love yourself more?

• What one step could you take to move yourself forward in loving yourself now?

• How will this option make you love yourself more?

• What are you going to do next to allow you to love yourself more?

• When will you start this?

• On a scale of 1–10, where 10 is I am totally committed to loving myself and taking action, where n are you?

• If you are not a 10, what do you need to do to make it a 10?

These are the sort of questions that a coach will ask you to help you to clarify where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Together you will create a strategy for getting to where you want to be and define the actions that will produce the desired results. A coach is simply the catalyst for your change. Weekly sessions, usually over a period of four to eight weeks, will keep you on track to ensure that you really do make the changes that you need to feel great about yourself.

Coaching enables you to open up in a non-judgmental and safe environment, where you can share your deepest fears, explore your beliefs and values, declare your wildest dreams and be supported on a journey to living a more balanced and truly fulfilling life. Coaching is a fantastic way of learning to love yourself and becoming aware of those destructive habits and that negative inner voice.

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